You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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