All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
