This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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