the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
