You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
