too bad you live with your parents still
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
