Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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