IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Couch. On fire.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
