hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
being pregnant is like rehab
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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