Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
