I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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