I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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