I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
