I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
