She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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