rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The uberlube is also flammable
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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