So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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