My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize