I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
