So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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