i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
