Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
