You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
