At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
