I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
