that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I think my vagina is haunted
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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