Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
