I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
the night ended with taco bell and tears
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
