I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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