My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
