it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
