i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Are my feet made of real feet?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize