Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
