She is in my trunk
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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