Me. At least after what I've been through.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I have surprise drugs for everyone
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
