Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
