you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
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