dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
