he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
