Only a mothe r could love this liver
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
