I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
