your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
