Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
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