How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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