I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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