His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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