Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
