My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
