They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize