SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
