My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We talked him into tasing himself.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
