I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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