Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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