Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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