We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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