btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
