The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
