went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
