i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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