Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
A+ Viking dick
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
