p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
