Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
