I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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