Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
