i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
