is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
