Already got asked if we're dating
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
