If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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