I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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