I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
