he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
