eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
